Let me ask you a question. Who built this city? If you had answered with rock and roll, you would be incorrect. It was a robot. If I told you I was shot through the heart and you said you were to blame, you might find a flaming bag of fist on your doorstep the next night because it wasn’t you. It was a robot. And frankly I think your egotistical suggestion that it was you is way too flattering and misguided to go unserved.

Point is, robots aren’t just awesome. They’re really awesome.

The counter this point rests on, it was built by a robot. Your mom … yup a robot did her long before I did. Just sayin’.

Robots aren’t just awesome killing machines, intellectual dynamos and destroyers of the human race. Robots are the human race. This isn’t the Matrix. Robots literally keep our hearts pumping, tell us when our blood sugar is too low or high and keep us alive when we get hit by a car that failed to yield as we walked across Second Street after finding out our Dad really isn’t our dad, with a capital ‘D,’ but some schmuck our Mom found in a bar after our real dad left her for a former prostitute and a pack of Camels.

Robots run this world. But not in the bwahahahaahahahahaahahahaha way. Robots run this world in the way that we seldom notice. So how can you say that’s not awesome? Seriously. Fo’ reals, dawg.

And … if you really want cannon-arms, world domination, laser-beam eyes and robot legs, like the guy in “Grandma’s Boy,” then robots can do that, too.

You know why people are always arguing who would win in a fight between pirates and ninjas? It’s because they know the argument is useless if robots are included. Robots would kick everyone’s ass. End of discussion.

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Contact Justin at jmcintosh@graffitiwv.com