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Top Five Finishing Moves

By Staff | May 6, 2008

5. The Leg Drop — Hulk Hogan Hulk Hogan has done many things for the world of wrestling. He’s shown us that it is totally badass to rip off your shirt no matter what the occasion, how to sport a wicked awesome/hilarious fu manchu, and how to squash a man’s chest and neck with sweaty old man thunder thighs. Hogan, after mercilessly pummeling his enemy, would sprint the length of the ring multiple times, bouncing off the ropes, until reaching critical momentum and kick his legs out so that the meaty pain of Hogan’s thighs descended on a guy whose bad day was about to get worse.

Honorable mention, this category: The Rock’s “People’s Elbow.”

4. The Heart Punch — Ox Baker Douglas A. Baker, or just “Ox Baker,” had one of the simplest yet devastating finishing moves known to human kind. When Baker needed to finish an opponent, he simply took his huge pancake hand, made a fist and straight punched the guy in the heart. That was it. It wasn’t real flashy, he didn’t involve outside objects, and the results were devastating. On multiple accounts Baker’s Heart Punches have killed a couple guys. True story.

Honorable Mention, this category: Lex Luger’s “Steel Forearm Smash”

3. The Mandible Claw — Mankind In what is undoubtedly the freakin’ grossest wrestling finisher ever, The Mandible Claw catapulted Mankind (Mick Foley, Cactus Jack, Dude Love, whatever you want to call him) to WWF infamy. Under the persona of Mankind, a tortured soul who wore a Hannibal Lector-like mask and talked to rats and shit, the move involves sticking the middle and ring finger under the opponents’ tongue with the aggressor’s palm as a counterweight and activating a pressure point that shot pain throughout the body. No question an unhygienic move, Mankind added to the disgusting hilarity by sticking an old sock, “Mr. Socko,” over his hand. Classic.

Honorable Mention, this category: The Million Dollar Man’s “Million Dollar Dream”

2. The Sharpshooter — Bret “The Hitman” Hart In what can only be called the epitome of wrestling dominance, the sharpshooter was Bret Hart’s bread and butter on his way to an iconic career. Bret “The Hitman” Hart’s sharpshooter was probably the only submission hold that fans looked forward to. In an area of high-flying slams and high impact collisions, the sharpshooter remained a can of whoopa#% throughout the years. The move consists of a couple leg turns that I can’t even figure out, a stepping motion and suddenly the opponent is lying face down on the mat as Bret has systematically crossed his legs in sickening fashion. Designed to make grown men cry, the sharpshooter has been foolishly put on Bret a couple times, only to have Bret counter the move and unleash a hellashish sharpshooter of his own.

Honorable Mention, this category: Nothing. The move is absolute.

1. The Stone-Cold Stunner — “Stone Cold” Steve Austin “Stone Cold” Steve Austin might very well be the most popular wrestler to exist and his finishing move had a life of its own. In what has been dubbed the “Attitude Era” of modern wrestling, the Stone Cold Stunner transformed wrestling and added a hint of awesome humiliation to every move. Austin would approach his enemy, give him the finger and then promptly kick him in the gut, turn and fall to the ground with the opponent’s jaw cracking on Austin’s shoulder. At times, Austin would perform stunners back to back to back as the crowd roared. It was bedlam as everyone had an Austin 3:16 shirt, complete with his infamous skull and beer drinking mentality. Wrestling/country music would never be the same

Honorable Mention, this category: Noah and the flood.


Contact Ben at bspanner@graffitiwv.com