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Return of the …

By Staff | Feb 28, 2008


Beverly Hills Cop

Recently, the merits of “Beverly Hills Cop,” have devolved into a debate over Axel Foley’s possible homosexual tendencies — thanks in no small part to ESPN’s Bill Simmons. We at Graffiti, however, pay no mind to these rumors. We’re too busy sticking bananas up tailpipes. Wait, did that sound gay? Hmmm. Let us reconsider.


Iconic Theme Music

Will there ever be another “Axel F?” Or the “Theme to Indiana Jones?” And when is the last time an action movie had a unbreakable bond to a song like “Top Gun” and “Danger Zone” or “Rocky” and “Eye of the Tiger?” Now we’re stuck with “Armageddon” and “Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” and “Con Air” and “How Do I Live” … pathetic.



We’re not talking gore here, so “Hostel” doesn’t cut it. We’re talking bloodied fisticuffs, jumping through windows, helicopter crashing, shooting throught the back of your jacket, jumping into the air as the bomb explodes action-packed ultra-violence.


One-liner one-upsmanship

Name the movie:

“Pop quiz hotshot?”

“I’ll be back.”

“My name is Neo!”


“It’s not a tumor!”

“Go ahead punk, make my day.”

“Are you lookin’ at me?”

“Live or die, man!”

“I must break you!”


Torn, bloodied clothing or leather jackets

Tattered shirts are best matched with a chisled upper-body and computer-enhanced bicept. Tears have to be tastefully placed, especially on females, and terrorists’ blood should always be visible. Leather jackets need to be stronger than kevlar, able to stop knives, bullets and drops from airplanes.