Even superheroes need some self-reflection
Let’s face it: Superheroes don’t always succeed.
Although they save the day more often than not, there are moments when many comic book characters fall short. Sometimes all that’s needed to correct a mistake is a little time travel, possibly multiple trips if the first solution causes an even bigger problem.
But as “Legends of Tomorrow” tries to convince us, altering the past can be a dangerous proposition. That’s why some characters might be desperate enough to make a deal with the devil (or a version thereof). That seems to have worked out pretty well for Spider-Man, I guess, and some of us have almost gotten over it (though clearly not all the way).
But sometimes the best thing to do is learn from one’s mistakes and grow as a person. What better time to do that than the new year? Here’s how a few comic book characters might resolve to improve themselves in 2019.
* Daredevil – Protect my secret identity more fiercely than ever by yelling out things like “Man, that’s bright!” or “Nice shirt!”
* The Flash – Next time I’m in a movie that might appeal to kids, I won’t drop the F-bomb. Assuming there is a next time.
* Deadpool – Make PG and G cuts of “Deadpool 2.” Sneak in the F-bomb.
* Aquaman – Stop fishing for compliments.
* Wasp – Get top billing in the threequel.
* Shazam – Don’t get so angry when people ask me to identify songs for them.
* Iron Man – Add a Dustbuster attachment to my armor for the rematch with Thanos.
* Phantom Stranger – Don’t drop in unannounced so much.
* Sleepwalker – Enroll in night school.
* Hellboy – Help out the folks in Hawkins, Indiana, with the strange(r) things they’re facing. Their sheriff looks like a pretty cool guy.
* Gertrude Yorkes – Get Old Lace more Instagram followers than Blue from “Jurassic World.”
* Harley Quinn – Travel the country going through comic shops and drawing myself in to “Birds of Prey” back issues.
* Jessica Jones – Cancel those season 4 announcement party favors.
* Batman – Remember to stick to the shadows, even – or especially – when I’m changing.
* Doctor Strange – Devise a spell to get Marvel and DC to bring back Amalgam, allowing me to rock that sweet Doctor Fate helmet once more.
* Snapper Carr – Stay away from the Infinity Gauntlet.
* Punisher – Less guns, more wordplay.
* Booster Gold – Gift cards for all birthday, wedding and Christmas presents. No time travel. (Also, clean my goggles.)
* Wolverine – Use my new “hot claws” to become the best there is at what I do. And what I do henceforth is… butter sculpture.
Evan Bevins is the writer of the webcomic “Support Group.”
– (with an assist this month from Brett Dunlap.)