Something Appropriate

Video game football

Sometimes i wish there was a version on madden where you didn't have to be the quarterback.
I'd like to be a diva wide receiver. You know, so i wouldn't have to play every down.
I could take snaps off, blow my blocking assignments and have to go back and get lectured by the QB. You could have mini-games where you see how many bench presses you could do in your driveway for reporters.
Or be an offensive lineman. I play as the New England Patriots and keep accidentally falling down so i could get a front seat view of some ugly sacks on Tom Brady. After the game have to face questions from one reporter who got there too late to talk to the running back.
But, ideally I'd be a kicker. I could watch TV while playing and only have to pay attention enough to see if i need to trot out there for a quick boot. If you make it, all your virtual teammates slap your helmet. If you miss, you just have to stand out there a little extra time and hit the "Feign Disbelief" button.
The only better position would be backup Quarterback. Here would be what the buttons do:
A - Hold to maintain clipboard control
B - Stand up/Sit back down on bench
C - attempt to "Fire Up" teammates
D - Chat with others who won't make it into game ever
L1 - pump left fist in victory
L2 - pump left fist in disgust
R1 - pump right fist in victory
R2 - pump right fist in disgust
START - Press at end of game to get paycheck